Miss Morality

I’m sure you’ve all seen this attempt to save the morals of America from doom and tarnation.

I understand one point – that she didn’t appear when and where she was supposed to, as is part of her job. Firing her for that I could understand, though I’m at a loss to think of any event of genuine importance that could possibly be halted by the absence of Miss America.

I really don’t understand the rest of the complaints, though, and those are the more prominent ones. Underage drinking? Sure, it’s illegal. It was illegal when the Bush twins were caught doing it, also. No one went on about what immoral little hosebags they were, though. They were treated as normal underage kids who tried to get drinks, the way almost every minor in the country will at some point. Is drinking immoral, and unseemly in a representative of America? Not if you look at the sales stats for alcoholic beverages, it isn’t. Not if you look at the DUI numbers. Not if you look at the bottles and cans that line almost every street in the country. Not if you look at who sponsors every single sporting event on TV. As far as alcohol goes, it’s her lucid moments that don’t represent us accurately.

All night partying? It’s called being 20 years old. Everyone who’s never been there, raise your hand. I thought so.

Let’s face it, this is a strawman. The Miss America pageant is, has always been, and always will be, a tits and ass contest. The talent contest? Give me a break. I can think of only a handful of Miss Americas that had celebrity jobs after their year (Phyllis George, Lee Meriwhether, and Vanessa Williams, who lost the crown because of something she’d done PRIOR to being Miss America). For the most part, their only talents are in those swimsuits. The “What would you do with a million dollars” type questions? Unless one of them says something hilariously stupid, that part of the pageant is forgotten as soon as it’s over. Miss Congeniality? They’re ALL congenial…. they want to WIN.

The bathing suit competition is the only part that really matters, and if we were even slightly honest with ourselves, we’d get rid of the bathing suits and make that the entire contest.

So why is a woman who was crowned for being a hottie supposed to be the Virgin Mary, Florence Nightingale, and Eleanor Roosevelt combined? Does THAT image represent America? Only in the funhouse mirror we like to look at ourselves in, the one that glosses up our image so we don’t have to look at the real us. The us that isn’t inherently superior to the rest of the world.

So she acts like a regular 20 year old, and is dragged through the mud for it, because America, through the media, does what we do best. We set someone up to “represent us”as the paragons of virtue that we are sure we are, and castigate them for turning out to be less than absolutely perfect.

In other words, for being like we really are.



  1. This is Miss USA, which is even less of a role model than Miss America. She didn’t have to compete in talent, interview skills, acheivements, or grades. And Donald Trump has some nerve judging her morals! But anyway, late this afternoon, they decided she would NOT be stripped of her title.

  2. I knew about the decision – I linked to it – but I didn’t realise that this was seperate from Miss America.


    If only I’d known before that damn Styx song started running uninvited through my head.

  3. Too fucking funny! Your post was right on, Joe, and Miss Cellania makes a great point, too–DONALD TRUMP, the arbiter of morality. Bwahahahahahahaa!! And, um, we all know why she gets to keep her crown, don’t we?

  4. I aways figured that the crown went to the best HEAD…….

  5. I can’t believe they still have this crap. Good point about the Bush twins – that is one thing I like about Bush – the fact that he has normal kids who embarrass him.

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