Dear Mary Cheney,

On the way home yesterday, I heard on the radio about how you called John Edwards a “slimeball” because he had, evidently, referred to you as a “lesbian.” (I have no idea why this is still being discussed, as it happened two years ago, but oh well.) It reminded me of when you called John Kerry a “son of a bitch”, returning what had been a compliment with sheer vitriol.

I have to confess that I don’t understand your attitude. I don’t think you were being maligned. I think that people refer to you as a lesbian for a legitimate reason.

You see, you are a lesbian.

What is it that defines you as such?

  1. Having Chastity Bono on your speed dial.
  2. Being a woman that eats pussy. That’s the biggie right there.

Now, I’m not judging. I have no negative feelings toward gays, as many of my friends will attest. It is simply a matter of definition. You have long been on public record as being one who enjoys a good box lunch.

I can, however, understand that you’re uncomfortable with attention. Your father is, after all, a High Priest of Satan the Vice President. He’s quite high in an organization that would deny you and your “ilk” as many rights as possible. You’ve made both him and his protege ‘boss do a Mexican Hat Dance around the principles they’ve pretended to stand for all these years, while you’ve tried to stay out of their way so you won’t be noticed as they treat your people like third class citizens. And now that we’re awaiting the blessed event, you’ve become the Republican Party’s very own Melissa Etheridge. I doubt that many liberals will fault you, Godless as they tend to be, but many of Daddy’s friends no doubt consider you worse than Murphy Brown.

I also understand that you come from an environment where people cold-bloodedly vilify any and all rivals. I know, I know, it’s a ubiquitous thing, but your Dad is part of a group that has elevated slander to an art form. They even do it to people in their own party.  Remember that bit about John McCain being mentally unstable because unlike your Dad and his boss, he actually went to Vietnam? Good stuff. You must have been so proud of Daddy’s team. Having folks of this sort for kith and kin, it’s certainly understandable that you’d take any reference to yourself as a rug-muncher to be a political attack.Frankly, if it were, it would be fair play, because unlike much of what Daddy says about others, this titbit is true. If you feel that Democrats are vilifying you, thank Daddy for helping to create that kind of game.

So, you’ve got quite a pickle, eh?As I see it, you have two options:

  1. Start taking some dick.
  2. Deal with it.

I suggest the latter. I’ve seen your photograph.



  1. I’m offended.

    You are such a blogger, Joe. 😀

  2. ROFL!!! Yer mean. (Do more.)

  3. Good band the Jesus and Mary Chain

  4. excellent. (and you have cured me from wanting to be gay, btw)

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