13 things I wondered about as a very small child.

1 ) Just how long is a “live-long day”?

2 ) If reindeer have hooves, why does the song go “Up on the housetop, the reindeer paws“?

3 ) Why would you want the baker man to mark your cake with pee? Ick.

4 ) Are horses usually good at putting eggs back together?

5 ) Why would my babysitter want to give me a “licking”? Ick again.

6 ) When Nick and Holly had puppies, where did they get them?

7 ) What do the little people in the TV do when we’re not watching?

8 ) What is that big scary machine that Dad keeps in the den?

9 ) How and why would ONE woman ride SIX white horses?

10 ) What is up with Clutch Cargo’s mouth?

11 ) Why shouldn’t someone be in the kitchen with Dinah?

12 ) If the music died, what am I listening to?

13 ) Why can’t we just have candy for dinner?

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21 Comments

  1. ha! these made me laugh…

    “Why would my babysitter want to give me a “licking”? Ick again.”

    Really, that depends on who the babysitter is; doesn’t it???

  2. 10) LOL! What a blast from the past. How the fuck do you get a nickname like “Clutch”?

  3. Dawn- not when you’re 4 years old.

    O’Tim -Do you remember Clutch Cargo from the Ray Rayner show? Here’s another blast….. when Ray died, his obit was in the Albuquerque paper because after his kiddie show went off the air he moved here and did weather!

  4. “Why can’t we just have candy for dinner?”

    We can’t? Uh oh.

  5. Clutch Cargo! That was the weirdest thing on TV. A cartoon with a real person’s mouth! WTF were they thinking?

    And what was that big scary machine dad kept in the den?

  6. I was waiting for someone to ask. It was his old ham radio, an archaic tubes-and-dials rig. It stood at least 5 feet and was 2 feet across (at least). It had switches and dials all over it, and the case was black metal. It was very intimidating to a very small child whose big brothers were fans of old, cheesy horror and science fiction movies.

    By contrast, dad’s new ham radio is about half the size of a modern DVD player and has far more power than the monster machine.

    BTW, you just answered something for me. I was wondering if Clutch Cargo was seen outside of the Chicago area, now I know! That mouth thing used to give me the heebies.

  7. Yeah, I remember “His pals Spinner and Paddlefoot” too. Who was the crusty old sidekick?

  8. Damn, posted as the wife again. Quit lookin’ at my gut – I’m workin’ on it!

  9. Hilarious. Except I still wonder those things, and I’m 37.

    Also, why does the song “Fly Like an Eagle” go, “…shoot the children, with no shoes on their feet…”? Always seemed a bit harsh to me.

  10. Not at all, SS- they’re tracking dirt all over the new carpet. Little bastards.

  11. The sheer depth of your insight has me speechless with awe.

  12. And for years, when I said the Pledge of Allegiance in school, for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why I was saying that our “one nation” was “invisible.”

  13. Oooooh – PJ! Me too! I can’t believe I missed that when I was thinking of these.

  14. 1 ) If you live long and you can get through the day without crapping your pants that is a long day
    2 ) Way back when the song came out reindeer had not evolved the hooves yet.
    3 ) That would keep the homeless people from stealing the cake
    4 ) In a surreal sense, yes.
    5 ) She was kinky
    6 ) The pet store
    7 ) They go home
    8 ) It eats kids who are bad
    9 ) Trying to out do Catharine the Great
    10 ) He can’t keep it shut
    11 ) Because you will learn all of her “secrets”
    12 ) If the music died, what am I listening to?
    13 ) Candy is working at the strip club

  15. I lived in the Cincinnati area when I saw Clutch Cargo, but I think he was shown across the nation. I could be wrong, though.


  16. Of course, you can see Clutch on YouTube!

  17. PJ said when I said the Pledge of Allegiance in school.. it reminded me that for years I wondered what the hell was the Republic for Richard Stans.

    Ole Blue said Candy is working at the strip club

    Just how does that preclude having her for dinner?

    nat – thanks for the YouTube link!

  18. Mine is.. why does your gran spit on her hankie then proceed to clean any dirty marks off your face with it and as kids you always had a dirty mark of some sort on your fizog

  19. Because “mom spit” is better, cheaper, more expedient, and more thorough than any chemical out there, bar none. Mom Spit can strip 40-year-old wallpaper. So it sure as hell can get that pen mark off a toddler’s cheek in record time.

  20. #9- You could always ask Anna Nicole…oh…that’s right…

  21. “No comment” – Dick Cheney


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