There’s nothing wrong here that panic can’t solve…….

I don’t know what alarmed the people at this school, but they ended up calling the bomb squad because of a “mysterious package.”

It turns out that a box suspected of being an explosive device was actually something design to contain up to 500 explosions!

Cosidering the atmosphere in schools these days, however, they’d have probably preferred the bomb…………………………………………….


The dipshittery never stops.

I found this while perusin’ the news this morning:

Sorrell, who had been an English and journalism instructor at Woodlan Junior-Senior High School, was placed on paid leave March 19, two months after an editorial advocating tolerance of homosexuals ran in Woodlan’s student newspaper, The Tomahawk. Sorrell had been the newspaper’s adviser.

School officials in the conservative northern Indiana community about 10 miles east of Fort Wayne said Sorrell did not comply with an agreement to alert the principal about controversial articles.

The agreement she signed includes a written reprimand that says she neglected her duties as a teacher and was insubordinate in refusing to obey school officials’ orders

I see two things as being wrong here, big time. First of all, how was this editorial “controversial?” America has been on a gay rights kick for a while now. If you’re an actor, and you say “faggot” in a private conversation with no microphones around, you have to go to therapy. If you are a moron, like Tim whatziznutz, and say “I hate gay people” INTO a microphone, you’re persona non grata for quite a spell. Yet a teacher faces dismission because one of her journalism students writes an editorial about not being bigoted against gays? How is being against bigotry “controversial” in the 21st century? Or even the last three decades of the 20th? I know this is Indiana, but what century are these people in, anyway?

The other thing that’s wrong is, obviously, the school’s concept of teaching journalism. I know that children aren’t always allotted the same constitutional rights as adults, and that one of the most frequntly denied rights is the right of free speech.  However, just how do you teach journalism without the 1st Amendment? That’s like teaching urology on a “Ken” doll.

If the principal in question truly feels that this message of tolerance and acceptance is controversial, then this principal is obviously a bigot and a homophobe, and possibly a bedwetter as well, I don’t know.  I do know that this principal is nowhere near what I would consider a role model, or an educator. I think the wrong person is leaving this school, and whatever “journalism” program this “school” has will no doubt suffer for it.

Dear Glen Beck,

You’re a prick. I will tell you why.

The other day, Tuesday April 24, I had a few minutes at home before going to my Astronomy final. While Angus was in the backyard doing what dogs do in the backyard, I flipped on the TV, which was still set to CNN, as I had been watching the news in the morning. I immediately heard you screaming like a lunatic. Really, you sounded like Howard Dean, and I immediately wondered what you had had to say about Dean on that day a few years ago.

I forgot about that as I lstened to what you were screaming about. You were screaming about the war funding bill. You were a bit incensed that the Democrats would send a bill to the White House that they know the President would veto. You seemed to feel that they should only be sending him a bill that he would be willing to sign.

It made me wonder how someone gets a job like yours without understanding how our government works. Or is supposed to work, anyway. Well, since I haven’t forgotten high school in a haze of pot smoke, I’ll enlighten you.

You see, we don’t have a king. We have a president. That means that while he does have veto power, he does not have the power to actually dictate the actions of Congress. It also means that he needs to care what the people, and our elected representatives in Congress, want. It isn’t all about us just shutting our mouths and letting him decide ecverything for as long as he’s in office.

You must be confusing us with Cuba. They have a system like that there.

While you may not be up on this particular fact, most of us realise that this Congress is doing exactly what we sent them to Washington to do. Public opinion has turned dramatically against this wasteful, unproductive kill-fest. Now, you conservatives were more than happy, back in 2003 and 2004, to point out every five minutes that the majority of Americans supported the war, and that it was only a “radical fringe” that opposed it. Well, now, the majority wants it ended, so you, being an intellectually honest man, should respect that, right?

Evidently not. The next thing I heard was you calling the Democrats and all their supporters “liberal hippie communists.”

How trite. Trite, trite, trite. Don’t you know that communists aren’t the enemy anymore? In China, as a matter of fact, communists are “Most Favored Trading Partners” despite having an atrocious human rights record. Of course, such abstracts as “human rights” only matter when someone like Sadaam violates them. The fact is, communists are out – Islamic Fundamentalists and Democrats are the boogeymen under the bed that Republicans now use to frighten their children. At least you got it half right.

Buit why indulge in this type of name-calling at all? Because “everyone does it?” Well, if everyone lit a joint while jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, would you do that, too? The fact is it’s childish, it’s unproductive, and it’s needlessly divisive, and you KNOW it. It is, in fact, why you do it. You want the choir you’re preaching to avoiding even LISTENING to the American Majority, so you’re doing your best to demonise them. You are demonising and insulting your fellow Americans by calling them communists. We should be united enough to be able to discuss our issues and compromise, but you would rather add to the chasm that is separating our country today. Just what kind of American does that make you?

A very, very bad one, I would say. The worst kind. The kind that is willing to do something he knows is wrong for his country just to make a buck.

About this time, I heard you ask America the very same question I was thinking about asking you. “How do you sleep?”

Your idea, and I use that term loosely, was that we had “promised to learn the lesson of Vietnam, which was to let the Generals fight the war, instead of the politicians”, and we aren’t doing that.

Boy, where to start?

First, Generals don’t fight wars in America. Poor and middle class kids do.

Secondly, politicians have always been in charge of the war. Remember, this war was started by a couple of politicians who were kept well away from Vietnam by the silver spoons in their mouths. Every time a General has said anything to the press about things in Iraq not working out as they were supposed to, that General is then replaced by a Bushco lapdog who’ll tell the right lies.

Furthermore, there is, once again, no promise of autonomy for the president. All presidents from Washington on down have been expected to work within a system of checks and balances. It is, in fact, the American way. I know, you’d like blind obedience to authority to be the American way, but once again you’re confusing us with someone else. This country is the one ostensibly of, by, and for THE PEOPLE. We aren’t a detriment to the actions of government. We are the source of its’ power.

Besides, was that the lesson of Vietnam? Some say that the lesson of Vietnam was to support the army, and never question the cause. Of course, that’s palpable, un-American bullshit as well.

Perhaps the lesson of Vietnam is that no one appointed us to be the world’s police force. Perhaps the lesson of Vietnam was to be more careful about letting our “leaders” use boogeymen to scare us into wars that we don’t necessarily need to wage. Perhaps the lesson of Vietnam was that many countries don’t want to be occupied by us any more than they want to be occupied by anyone else, and don’t like their children being killed by anybody. Or perhaps the lesson of Vietnam was to actually take some fucking time to learn about the means, tactics, culture, and motivations of the enemy so our soldiers don’t end up dying with their dicks in their hands while the enemy runs rings around them. Perhaps it also had something to do with outfitting our soldiers properly from the start. Or even going after the proper enemy, instead of creating one more convenient.

But here’s the best part.

“Iraqi children aren’t wetting themselves because American soldiers are there, they’re wetting themselves because there are not enough American soldiers there to protect them!”

Second part first. You don’t think there are enough US soldiers there? And you’re yelling at the Democrats? Did Democrats set troop levels? Or was it Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, and now Gates? You know, I think it was the latter set. The same people you say are doing so fucking well that we should all leave them be.

Furthermore, they could be wetting themselves because their bathrooms got blown, ironically enough, all to shit. Or perhaps they’re wetting themselves because they know what you are not at all willing to admit. That while Saddam was certainly no Good King Wenceslaus, they were safer with him than with the country we’ve created for them.

So, in closing, I have to say that you are making your living by purposely misleading, insulting, and dividing your own people. Your job is to do harm to a country you should know more about, and claim to love but don’t.

That’s why you’re a prick. I just thought I’d do you a favor and let you know.

You have a nice day, now.

Yours truly,

Joe the Troll

What a year it was……..

In 1965 (the year you were born)

Lyndon B. Johnson is president of the USSecretary of Defense Robert McNamara calls for a nationwide network of bomb shelters

Former leader of the Black Muslims, Malcolm X, is shot and killed in New York City To protest voting rights discrimination, civil rights demonstrators begin a march for Selma to Montgomery with federal troop protection

The first commercial satellite, Early Bird, is launched into space by Nasa to transmit telephone and television signals

Voting Rights Act is signed into law

Riots by young blacks in the Watts area of Los Angeles begin, causing $200 million in damage

Hurricane Betsy claims 75 lives in southern Florida and Louisiana

United States President Lyndon Johnson proclaims his “Great Society” during his State of the Union address

Dr. Dre, Sarah Jessica Parker, Robert Downey Jr., Shania Twain, Moby, and Ben Stiller are born

Los Angeles Dodgers win the World Series

Green Bay Packers win the NFL championship

Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

The Sound of Music, starring Julie Andrews, is the top grossing film

Dune by Frank Herbert is published

The Beatles’ Rubber Soul is released

“Satisfaction” by Rolling Stones is a top hit

The Beatles appear on The Ed Sullivan Show, performing songs from their new album Help!

Sony introduces the Betamax, a home video tape recorder

Nearly all of NBC’s programs are now broadcast in color

I Dream of Jeannie premieres

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

The toilet poll.

Much chit-chat has resulted from Sheryl Crow’s assertion that women should only use one square of toilet paper, most notably from Rosie O’Donnell, who uses a billboard. While many people think that Sheryl was speaking facetiously, it made me want to post something mildly disgusting. So, ladies, how many squares do you use – onesies and twosies?

Me? I use the kitties.


The Predictable Happens.

As always, it didn’t take long for the purveyors of higher education to decide, once again, that the 1st Amendment is America’s true enemy. As I’ve always said, there is nothing the average American believes in more than FREEDOM……… as long as no one else tries to use some.

“A classroom is supposed to be a place for academic exploration,” Winset, who taught financial accounting, told the Boston Herald.

He said administrators had asked the faculty to engage students on the issue. But on Friday, he got a letter saying he was fired and ordering him to stay off campus.

So, the way he explains it, the administration told him to discuss this topic, then fired him for doing it in a way they disapproved of. There is no mention of the administration giving specific instructions as to how the topic was to be handled.

Of course, this is nothing new. There have been teachers fired just about every time something like the VT massacre has happened. There were teachers fired after 9-11. An elementary school teacher was fired after the Iraq war began because he presented both sides of the Iraq war argument and allowed the students to – gasp! – make up their own minds about the war! I found it ironic that the conservatives that wanted him fired are the same folks who frequently trumpet to the heavens that they want teachers to educate, not indoctrinate. Of course, they’re talking about that liberal homosexual agenda, not our righteous war.It seems to me that presenting all the facts and letting people, even SMALL people, make their own judgements is education. Just telling them to support the war would seem to be the indoctrination, wouldn’t it?

So educators want the massacre at VT discussed. How do you do that without covering some extremely uncomfortable ground? How do you discuss a situation like this in an educational setting without taking the chance on offending someone, even if that offense is just some hypersensitive batshit from someone who simply wants attention? How do you decide that a line has been crossed when the students that were in the room during the discussion don’t seem to think so? I have no doubt that the “shooting the students with an eraser” thing was simply an attempt to help the students feel the situation the VT students were in – caught by surprise, with no time to move and nowhere to move to, getting shot at close range. I would think that this understanding would be key to having an inteligent discussion of this issue.

It points to the fallacy that Americans have a right to traipse through life unoffended, and that anyone who uses their right to free speech in any way that offends anyone else is using it maliciously and wrongly. It also points to the fallacy that we want to solve any of our problems.

I mean, how do we arrive at a useful solution to the violence in our schools and workplaces if we can’t have a frank and honest discussion about it? How can we solve out security and immigration challenges if we’re hobbled by accusations of racism and intolerance every time someone suggests securing our borders? How can we arrive at any solution to anything – education, health care, abortion rights – ANYTHING – without the ability to speak freely about it? We’re quick to address a problem by declaring war upon it – War on Poverty, War on Drugs, War on Terror – yet those problems persist, especially when they are abstracts like poverty and terror that can’t be shot at. We are happy to declare War on Terror, but treat as unwelcome any discussion of what the government does or doesn’t do in furtherance of that “war”.

So, in general, we can’t seem to discuss our problems as a country, but we can declare WAR on them, whether that makes sense or not.

I wonder if the root of our violence problem isn’t more obvious than we’ve been thinking.

3 things that bug me because they’re bull.

1.  “We have 5 technicians with 100 years combined experience!”

No, you don’t. You might have 5 technicians with 20 years of experince apiece, but that’s not the same thing. Did they all learn COMPLETELY different things in their careers? If so, then maybe. However, if you have 5 technicians (doctors, lawyers, astronauts, car washers, whatever) that have 20 years of experience each and they learned the SAME THINGS in that time, then you have 5 guys who each have 20 years of experience, NOT 100 years of experience because there is 5 of them.

2. This is a 200 watt amplifier because it has two channels with 100 watts/channel.

Save it for the rubes. 100 watts per channel is a 100 watt amp. Look at it this way. You have a garden hose. It has water coming out of it, and that water has a temperature of 50 degrees. Now suppose you turn on another, and it also has 50 degree water flowing through it. Now, if they run at the same time, does that make the water 100 degrees? NO. I won’t buy stereo equipment from someone who says this, because they are either trying to trick me into thinking that the equipment is more powerful than it is, or they are just too ill informed to make that distinction. Either way, they lose a sale.

3. You’re pre-approved!!!

I pre-don’t give a fuck!

Enter your own in the comments.