American Asshole: Anthony Abbate

Once again, the people have spoken, and elected Anthony Abbate to be March’s Asshole of the Month. He will now compete for the 2007 Asshole of the Year title next January.

While tied in the first round, he soundly thrashed opposing sphincter Ann Coulter by a considerable margin in the tie-breaker. Ironically, if he had beaten the bartender in a contest and opened the 55 gallon drum of whoop-ass on Coulter’s face instead of doing things the other way around, he probably wouldn’t have nearly so many people against him. Here is a better account of the story than the previous link provided.

Sharing his prize is the entire Chicago Police Department, for the sheer assholiness of charging him with a misdemeanor at first. Felony charges were levelled at him only AFTER the video became a media sensation. I guess we should be happy that they bothered to charge him at all. They didn’t when he was caught driving drunk, after all.

Also sharing the prize is every drunken bum that stood there and watched it happen. He’s bigger than you? So what? That doesn’t prevent you from picking up a bottle of vodka (the cheap stuff, natch) and smashing it to bits on his drunken piggy head. In Chicago, though, the guy who does that to a cop might end up floating face-down in the Chicago River.

Don’t think that’s true? You think perhaps that this is one bad egg giving the whole basket a bad name? Then you aren’t familiar with Chicago cops. You’ve probably never been screamed at for asking one of those useless motherfuckers for directions. I’ll bet you’ve never been pulled over just for driving through downtown with a tie-die shirt on. You’ve obviously never been to a Grateful Dead concert at Soldier Field. If you spend enough time in Chicago, you learn to avoid the cops entirely, even if you aren’t doing anything illegal. The cops don’t need you, and man, they expect the same.

I also find it disturbing that while the video is easy to find and watch, I couldn’t find a picture of this asshole even with considerable Googling. Why not, I wonder. Anyone else gets arrested and their mug shot is public domain. Of course, they will protect and serve their own, if no one else.

Let’s hope this prick gets a lengthy stay in the Sodomy Ward at Cook County. It is absolutely no less than he deserves.



  1. “You’ve obviously never been to a Grateful Dead concert at Soldier Field.” What? The cops aren’t nice to tree-hugging, pot-smokin’ hippies? GO FIGURE!!

  2. Yay! A Chicago cop dude was flirting with me in a restaurant when I was 15. That’s pretty uncool (though I liked it at the time). I’m a bit worried Ann’s never going to get the AA cuz we’re taking it for granted she will. Gotta watch that.

  3. Nat- Going to a show should not constitute a reason to assume someone is a criminal. In one case, we were walking quietly away from Soldier Field when a female cop on horseback started screaming at everyone to move faster. Someone about 50 feet from us called her a bitch. She immediately slammed her horse – hard- into my friend Tina, who had a mouthful of food and hadn’t said anything. The cop then leaned over to Tina and said “How do you like THAT, bitch?” That was just the beginning of her tirade.

    When someone treats you like that for doing nothing but walking, it’s hard to consider that she “does a difficult job and puts her life on the line for us” and easy to think “this person obviously took this job to get some small amount of power, and probably some graft as well.” If someone had put a bullet in her at that moment, I sure as hell wouldn’t have called her friends to help her – I’d have gotten the hell away from her lest I be blamed somehow.

  4. Paula- you’re right. If she never wins AOTM, she won’t qualify for AOTY. I think Abbate deserved it more this month, though. Edwards can defend himself better than that 110 pound bartender could.

  5. Hey Joe, I was being sarcastic. Cops always seems to assume than people of a certain age going to a concert are there to break the law. That always pissed me off.

  6. God, I love this town.

  7. “The cops don’t need you, and man, they expect the same.”

    Nice quote from “Just Like Tom Thumb’s Blues”.

  8. I didn’t know that cops in Chicago were like that, Joe – that’s a real shame… people should be able to trust them. Not much hope of that with assholes like Abbate around…

  9. Chicago has always been one of my favorite cities and since it’s only 3 hours away, I like to visit as often as I can. But after reading this, I think I might want to take along a bodyguard the next time I go … to protect me from the cops. 🙂

  10. Nat- I suspected as much after I commented, but why waste a perfectly good tirade? 🙂

    Cody – Oddly enough, me too. The horrendous cops can’t take the shine off that apple completely.

    PJ & Cheezy – just stay away from them and everything’s fine. You’ll have to do without doughnuts for a few days, is all.

  11. *note to self: do not visit Chicago!*

  12. Dawn-then you’ll NEVER know what a good pizza tastes like.

  13. 1. If you’re 200 lbs. over what you’re supposed to weigh how can you do your job as a police officer?
    2. He’s a drunken slob who beats the shit out of women…that’s like one level above a pedophile.
    3. Once he lands in jail, he’ll be nice ass candy for some other deranged, lunatic, neanderthal.

  14. I’m just glad that I live in Texas where it’s more civilized. You just don’t see this here. The only problem that I or anyone else I know has ever had with the cops was once in awhile, one might have a slight attitude, but that’s not common. That’s it. I’m shocked at how uncivilized big northern cities are . I’ve been to them, Chicago, New York. You can have them.

  15. That fat brutal pig should get beat-up by somebody to see how he likes it.Tattoe PIG on his forehead and tell everybody he beat-up a 110lb women and along with a bunch of other pigs-Lied about it-then throw him in state prison.

  16. So now that fatass Anthony Abbate pleas out of his charges? The guy should be taken into the alley and have the shit beat out of him!

  17. […] sprawl, deindustrialization, joblessness, and drug dealers.  Oh yeah, and all that corruption, police brutality, and Daley’s mob connections as […]

  18. Hahaha. YES! I love this post. Please join the Chicago Chapter of the National Organisation for women in the fight against Abbate and Fleming!

    Find out what you can do here:

  19. carsten spengemann
    Can I simply say what a reduction to seek out somebody who actually is aware of what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how one can bring a difficulty to gentle and make it important. More people must read this and understand this facet of the story. I cant imagine youre not more standard because you definitely have the gift.

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