3 things that bug me because they’re bull.

1.  “We have 5 technicians with 100 years combined experience!”

No, you don’t. You might have 5 technicians with 20 years of experince apiece, but that’s not the same thing. Did they all learn COMPLETELY different things in their careers? If so, then maybe. However, if you have 5 technicians (doctors, lawyers, astronauts, car washers, whatever) that have 20 years of experience each and they learned the SAME THINGS in that time, then you have 5 guys who each have 20 years of experience, NOT 100 years of experience because there is 5 of them.

2. This is a 200 watt amplifier because it has two channels with 100 watts/channel.

Save it for the rubes. 100 watts per channel is a 100 watt amp. Look at it this way. You have a garden hose. It has water coming out of it, and that water has a temperature of 50 degrees. Now suppose you turn on another, and it also has 50 degree water flowing through it. Now, if they run at the same time, does that make the water 100 degrees? NO. I won’t buy stereo equipment from someone who says this, because they are either trying to trick me into thinking that the equipment is more powerful than it is, or they are just too ill informed to make that distinction. Either way, they lose a sale.

3. You’re pre-approved!!!

I pre-don’t give a fuck!

Enter your own in the comments.

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16 Comments

  1. I used to get pissed off when I cared about being an audiophile and some salesman (it was ALWAYS a man!) tried to snow me with that watts per channel shit. There is MORE to the sound and the system than how much freakin’ power it puts out. I wish we could convince those guys with the big booming bass in their cars to get over that!

    I hate, “Open Immediately: Urgent.” YOU know it is a stupid sales pitch inside, so the immediacy is that you want my sale right now, not that I want or need your thing right now!

    Ahh, that felt good.

  2. “Free” anything that makes you fill out a bunch of crap and waste time before you get it. That’s not free cuz my time is worth something, hello! Well, not really, but it still pisses me off.

  3. Omg, #’s 2 and 3 piss me off.

    When I get pre-approved crap in the mail, I take the pre-paid envelope and stuff it full of other ‘free offers’ or junk mail and post it back. They have to pay the postage(bwaaahaaahaa), and I save space in my rubbish bin thank you very much. I especially like using the bank envelopes – bastards.

  4. “Mrs. DD? Hi, this is Bob from (insert name of charity I’ve never heard of here), and I’ll only take a minute of your time. We were just calling to see if we could count on your financial support again this year.”

    Uh, sure. Put me down for exactly what I donated last year. {slam receiver, shake head and mumble}

    Runner up: Drop child on head, leave Nair to burn flesh off legs, and watch as smoke billows from edges of oven door while I rush to grab the phone, only to hear: “Please hold for an important message.”

    If it was that fucking important, someone with a pulse should have made the call. Assholes.

  5. Oh, and Tiger Lamb Girl, I do the SAME THING, complete with the evil cackle!

  6. Sorry, dude. An amplifier with two 100W channels is a 200W amplifier. Your water temperature analogy doesn’t apply. Try water pressure.

  7. “Good morning, sir. Can I give you an ‘obligation-free quote’?”.

    Doh! All quotes are (or at least should be!) obligation-free. That’s kinda their whole point. You say the price, I say whether I want to pay it or not.

    Great post, by the way. I particularly liked the garden hose metaphor 🙂

  8. Tiger- That is an awesome idea! I’m doing that from now on.

    Don- It’s a 100w/2 channel amp. I used to sell audio to audiophiles. So change “degrees” to “psi” if it makes you feel better, it still works.

  9. Joe – You’re right, pressure works the same. I should have been thinking gallons per second, something like that.

    100W power in Ch A, 100W power in Ch B, total amp power is 200W. I don’t argue you’re a professional audiophile, but electrical power is what it is. Same result if they’re amplifiers, electric motors or lightbulbs.

  10. I say bullshit. I saw a 500w amp advertised, but it was just an amp with 5 channels, 100w per, and who the hell even needs 100w in the center front voice channel anyway? It’s the power going to a particular speaker that matters, not the total of all channels. That’s deceitful, especially since you’ll rarely have discrete power supllies anyway, so you’re not even getting the per channel wattage that’s advertised in the first place. You can make a 100 watt amp that has three sets of speaker hookups….. that does NOT give you a 600 watt amp!

    I used to have a true 200w amp….. dual power suplly, 200w to each channelo. I miss that thing. My current 200w amp, without the dual power supply, does not even come CLOSE to what the old one could do. It’s not even in the same league.

  11. Okay, so this is getting to be a lot like when my husband starts going on and on about sports cars and horsepower and shit and all I hear is blahblahblah car blahblahblahblah car blahblahblah car…

  12. An amp with 5 channels, 100W per, is a 500W amp. A 100W amp with three sets of speaker hookups will provide 16.7W per speaker (33.3W / ch). Looks like you are used to the overall rating referring to each channel, while the marketers have learned to use the sum of all channels because it’s bigger while remaining technically correct. But no more blahblahblah from me, no one bores me more than I do. 🙂

  13. Don-

    All I can say is this – I wish you’d have come into my store when I was selling this stuff.

  14. DD – great minds think alike then, eh. bwahaahaahaa

    Joethetroll – Just thought I’d spread the love to anyone who hadn’t thought of it.

    Oh, sometimes I let my kids spit their chewed chewing gum inside the envelope. I know it’s mean, but hey, I’m told everything is automated, and I figure it ups the chances of screwing up their automatic letter openers. If I’m wrong, someone set me right, coz I wouldn’t wanna be grossing some minimum wage employee out. Just aiming to wreak a little havoc to the bastards who cram crap through my postal slot everyday.

  15. #1 I agree wholeheartedly with.

    #2 If the channels are bridged is it not then 200 watts that said it’s car amps I am referring to.

    #?

  16. Mirk- “pre-approved” is the crap that lenders feed you in order to entive you to apply for a credit card or a loan. It’s a way of baiting folks that might not think they’d be approved. It’s a meaningless crock.


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