American Asshole: April

Here’s this month’s heapin’ helpin’ o’ hemorroids.

Chuck Missler (1): Leave the science to your intellectual superiors. Mongoloids, for instance.

Bill O’Reilly (1) : Not only does your argument qualify, but you’re also an asshole for making me agree with Geraldo.

Don Imus  (1) : You’re not in a position to make this kind of mistake.

Rev. Al Sharpton (2) : You’re not helping anyone, you’re just keeping your name in the news.

Nancy Pelosi : I don’t begrudge you the trip, but you should have had your facts straight. (Thanks to Law Wench for the link.)

Mitt Romney (2) : Not running on an “honesty” platform, I take it. Let me guess….. you saw how well this worked for Kerry, and you just had to try it!

Nancy Grace (1) : Your crow’s getting cold. And you got snitty with my friend for no reason, bitch.

Rudy Giuliani : I guess you’re sticking with the fear/9-11 thing because you have nothing else to offer us, eh?

Byron Perkins (3) : I hope you’re not expecting a card on Father’s Day.

John McCain (2) : OK, help me here….just what the fuck is funny about this war?

Laura Bush (1) : You don’t know what the word “suffer” means.

George Tenet : You had options, asshole. Not being a liar was one of them. Thanks, O’Tim.

Vote for your favorite!



  1. Wow, Joe, you sure know how to pick them! This is a close run thing for me… Romney was close… mainly because I find that people who talk the most about their weaponry are often the most deficient in terms of the firepower that really matters… Nancy Grace was even closer, just because she’s fucking poisonous… Bill O’Reilly’s brain explosion was appalling (but is still the sort of thing he says at least once a month)… So after much deliberation, I’m going for McCain. There’s already one shitwit in the Whitehouse who likes to make jokes about innocent people dying. You’ve have thought McCain’s personal experience of war would have meant that he wouldn’t do likewise. Clearly not…

  2. OMG, what a fantastic list of assholes! While I’d love to pick O’Reilly or Pelosi, or Sharpton, or even Tenet, I have to go with Perkins. What a totally worthless piece of shit. The others might possibly have a good quality somewhere, but not that fuckhead.

  3. I was so drawn to Laura Bush, who simply cannot rest her pretty little head at night nor eat even a nibble whilst this horrid little war keeps her husband’s dick in his hand instead of hers…until I realized that her sort of thinking is really the product of her environment. Flashback to Barbara Bush visiting the Astrodome filled with Katrina evacuees, and chirping that “so many of them were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them.” This, of course, on top of her not wanting to trouble her “beautiful mind” with ugly things like war and natural disaster. JESUS GOD I hate that whole fucking FAMILY like POISON! THEY SUCK-


    But I’m going to vote for McCain. He scares the shit out of me.

  4. I’d give Nancy Grace A-hole of the week for her snittiness, Joe, but beyond that she’s not worth the monthly honor.

    Great list, BTW. I’d stick with my my nominee Tenet, but Paula’s right – Perkins fits that “complete” assholiness that is deserving of the award.

  5. Well, I sure thought it was funny when she asked for the cop to be put on the phone, and then failed to get the info she wanted first hand! However, she’s here because of the rape case thing mostly, the snittiness was frosting.

  6. I’m liking Nancy Grace for this one. She’s due.

  7. I have to go with Mitt the Twit because he used to be the gov. of my state and he’s so FULL OF SHIT that he has to BE an asshole. (What I find interesting lately is that I’ve seen more than one article/book pointing out how Mormonism isn’t like it used to be…is this a coincidence since a Mormon is running for President? I think not.)

  8. Tough choice but i would go for Laura Bush because of her supreme insensitivity and stupidity. Birds of a feather thing i guess considering who she married.

  9. For myself, I’m going with Missler. I’m really sick of people preaching truth but telling lies.

  10. Put me down for Reverend Al every time he is nominated.

  11. I’ll have to go with Romney, because I just can’t stand the guy, even if he does come from Michigan

  12. I’ll go with Imus.

    hey! I’ve been meaning to tell you forever…you need to fix your URL when you make a Haloscan comment. you have two https in there and it never brings up your site when I click on your link — and then I have to retype it in myself and, dammit, it just annoys me. 😉

  13. But it’s worth it.

  14. Perkins. Hands down.

  15. O’ Reilly fits the bill pretty well…

  16. I already have a nominee for May:

  17. Excellent call, Eden. He’s in.

  18. Eh, I’ll go with Sharpton, just to be consistent, though it was tough to pass up Perkins 🙂

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