The toilet poll.

Much chit-chat has resulted from Sheryl Crow’s assertion that women should only use one square of toilet paper, most notably from Rosie O’Donnell, who uses a billboard. While many people think that Sheryl was speaking facetiously, it made me want to post something mildly disgusting. So, ladies, how many squares do you use – onesies and twosies?

Me? I use the kitties.



Murder, He Polled.

Inspired by a conversation at Cheezy’s.


Okay, so you’ve decided to murder someone. Don’t bother me with details, the rat bastard deserves it, okay? So, how do you do it? What is your weapon of choice? Gun? Knife? Rope? Scissors? Rapier wit?

For myself, I’d do it in the library with a candlestick.


Asshole of the year 2006

The people have spoken. Well, they haven’t actually spoken, but they have typed. They’ve typed what they would have spoken, had they been here to speak. Several may have spoken what they were typing while they typed it, in which case they have spoken, I just couldn’t hear them. But they spoke nonetheless. Anyway, when they type, it’s as good as speaking, or even better because it can be referred to later, so for all practical purposes, the people have spoken.

And they have chosen, via their hypothetical speaking, the First Annual Under the Bridge Asshole of the Year.

Let us all congratulate President George W. Bush, the Asshole of the Year for 2006. Hail to the Chief!


My original reason for nominating him to this august post (hey, it’s a January post!) was his use of his very first veto (after 5 years spent learning how to spell “veto”) to waylay funding for stem cell research, after the Federal government (with his approval) had already given over a million dollars to study the healing effects of praying for total strangers.


I mean, what an asshole. He waits five years to veto something, and it’s a search for cures. If there was a way to BOMB Multiple Sclerosis, I bet he’d fund THAT.

Many of you had your own reasons for considering him a asshole, such as that little kerfuffle over in Iraq. Or his plans to respond to all the people that he “listened” to by doing exactly the opposite of what they suggested. Many may have chosen him based on his almost thorough disregard for the Constitution or the Laws of the United States, both of which he took an oath to uphold. Or the fact that his anti-terrorist stance seems to make a lot of excuses for people we might not, if integrity reigned, be cosy with at this time.


Whatever your reason, he’s the man, beating runner-up asshole Fred Phelps soundly, 11-4. And that takes some doing, since Phelps really is a class-1A asshole.

Congrats, President Bush. It takes a big, distended asshole to be the year’s best!


Ass poll of the year

artfred_t180.jpg                        george_bush_flys.gif  

Last March, not long after I first began blogging, I wrote a post naming Fred Phelps as 2006s Asshole of the Year. Then, several months later, I could not resist the urge to name President Bush as a contender. You may read the reasons why by following the links.

(BTW, while you’re there, check out the overall look of my old site, and compare it to this one. My next post – not this one dammit– my next one will ask you what you think.)

Anyway, I’m going to leave it up to you, my gentle and perceptive readers, to put it to a vote. Which one, based on the criteria set forth in the linked posts, will be Under the Bridge’s first annual Asshole of the Year?

After this is complete, I will being having a monthly poll to determine Asshole of the Month. The monthly winners will compete for Asshole of the Year 2007 next January.

So, whaddaya think?

Running Tally:

Phelps – 4

 Bush – 11

Snowy Desert poll

Well, it’s happening again…… we’ve got a nice pile of the white stuff, just in time for Drunken Fool’s Day, always a great time here in the DWI capitol of the world. It made me think of another poll, since it has been quite awhile since I thought of one……….

 So here ’tis –

Suppose it were IMPOSSIBLE to live in a climate that suited you to a T. Don’t ask why, it just ain’t gonna happen. Would you rather live in a climate that is too warm for your tastes, or one that is too cold for your tastes?

For Whom the Bell Polls.

It seems that Blogdrive has finally caught up. The “last post”that I referred to below is finally visible, as well as the racecar post that a lot of people didn’t get to see. I guess my complaining was unjustified……. it only took a WEEK.

Anyway, this switch kind of fubared the poll, but I seem to have a definitive answer anyway. It seems that most of your favorites, like mine, are dead. Figures, eh?

Of course, like many folks, my answer depended on which category we were talking about.

As far as actors go, most of my favorites have gone. There are still good actors around, with Johnny Depp and Jack Nicholson being my modern favorites, but let’s face it…… on the whole, they just don’t make them like James Stewart, Spencer Tracy, Katherine Hepburn, and Henry Fonda any more.

As for musicians, well, what kind of music? All my favorite jazz musicians except the great Mose Allison and the now retired Max Roach are gone. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still go the the Jazz Fest when I can – my next favorite might be just starting out! The ones I listen to the most, though….. Miles Davis, Louie Armstrong, Milt Jackson………. all gone.Blues is a mixed bag….. as long as Buddy Guy , Marcia Ball, and Charlie Musselwhite are around, I can’t say all my faves are dead. If I could go back in time, though, I’d sure want to see Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson, and Elmore James perform, not to mention Howlin’ Wolf and John Lee Hooker. In rock, most of my faves are still alive. In my opinion, the rock stars that die seem (for the most part, not entirely) to be the ones with flamboyant personalities, the charisma to make it seem like they’re better musicians than they are, and that is why they become legends. I still miss Jerry, though.

I pay less attention to the art world than those other two, so it’s kind of a mixed bag. My favorite painter, Ivan Albright, is long dead, but I saw one of my other favorites the other day. She was the woman in this story, and here is some of her work. It’s beautifully detailed (far more so than the scan reveal), and usually weird. She also painted the picture for Sybyl’s grave marker.

So what did we prove? In most cases, real talent dies, while the mediocre persist.

By the way, how’s NaNo going? Anyone way out in front?

On to the next poll, then. There is no where to click here at WordPress, so you’ll have to actually express yourself. I suspect that many of my poll participants were lurkers, and I certainly don’t mind the lurkers. I do hope that they’ll come out of the shadows, though, for the polls at least. We won’t bite, honest! Unless you smell like cupcakes, then watch out for Paula.

ANYWAY……. who do you think is the funniest?

These guys?

These guys?

These guys?

or These guys?