1 – Bush = Hitler
Oh come now, he does not. Hitler was way more evil. Now, I do believe that Bush is evil, and I also believe that when he talks to God, God throws up in his mouth just that little bit, but Bush is nowhere near being in Hitler’s league. Besides that, Hitler chose far more competent people to fill his cabinet, was able to give the entire world a run for its money while Bush has had his hands more than full with Iraq, and the biggest difference – HITLER HAD A PLAN. An entirely vile, evil, and downright naughty plan indeed, but a plan nonetheless. We’ve got nothing.
2- “It’s that liberal media.”
Stop whining already! If you aren’t hearing what you want to hear about the war, about the President, about what- ever, here’s a radical thought; Maybe what you want to hear isn’t happening!!! Stop pretending that they didn’t help you circle Bill Clinton like vultures for eight fucking years. Stop pretending that the media didn’t help you start this war.
It’s especially pathetic when I hear someone single out CNN, then turn on CNN to hear Glenn Beck ranting about “liberal hippie communists” or hear the panel of experts predicting doom if we leave Iraq. How is this pushing the “liberal agenda?”
3- “And this is what happened last night on American Idol.”
You know, if gave a fuck, I would have watched the goddam thing. I don’t, so I didn’t. If someone missed it and didn’t Tivo it, their loss. Why would you even think for one second that it’s news? Happy Days used to be immensely popular, too, but the AP didn’t recap it the next morning for the benefit of those who missed it. Why do so for this musical crapfest?
4- Hyperbole
If someone says “I think Israel did this one thing wrongly”, that is NOT the same as “Hitler was right!” “I think Bush is a lousy President” does not equal “Clinton was the best President in history!” And being critical of America’s policies is nowhere near “I want America to lose this war!” If you cannot argue against what is actually being said, you might consider the idea that there is no valid argument against what is actually said, or that you simply don’t know what that answer is. Changing someone’s argument to suit what you want to argue against only shows that you have limitations to both your intellect and your honesty. And it’s rude, too.
5- “THOSE (Republicans/Democrats and/or conservatives/liberals)!!!”
Has America been this divided since the Civil War? Possibly, I don’t know. I do know that vilification of those people has replaced actual thought in America. And the assumption that EVERYONE is like that just slays me. I’ll say certain things about Bush, or about our current administration, and some people think they’re going to get my goat by bashing Clinton. Well, I never voted for Clinton, and I’m not a democrat, so that “You Democrats yadayadayada” crap falls limply at my feet. Then again, there’s those who brand me a neocon immediately because I don’t jump on the gun ban bandwagon, or because I suggest that we might want to watch that southern border. Once again, people don’t have the facts it takes to build a cogent argument, so they simply attack anything they can assume about the speaker.
Look, we’re all Americans, we all pay taxes, and we all live in the same country with the same problems. Maybe – just maybe– some of those problems could be solved, or at least lessened, if we spent as much effort working together and talking to each other as we do vilifying and slandering each other. America is supposed to be about freedom of thought, not the freedom to conform.
6- “They do it, too!”
Okay, suppose you have a 6 year old who is caught stealing candy. Knowing that he’s caught, he looks at you and says “Johnny and April stole candy, too!” Are you going to tell this child it’s okay, then, as long as he wasn’t the only one?
I didn’t think so. So why do adults do it every day?
“These Republicans in the administration have told a lot of lies.” “Well, Demcrats lie, too!”
So that makes it okay?
“Those liberals are just hounding Bush because they hate him and want him out of office.” “And that’s exactly what the Republicans did to Clinton!!”
And that is your argument? I think there are more compelling reasons for wanting Bush out than that, but I digress. The simple fact is that just because someone else did something wrong, that doesn’t make it right for someone else to do it, too. I mean, if we elect a Democrat to the White House, and he (or she) tells a pile of whoppers to get us into a war, are we going to say that it’s all good because Bush did it, too?
As a rule of thumb, if you won’t accept a given argument from a 6 year old, you will sound no more mature or intelligent than that same child when you use the same type of argument, and you should be treated as such. Your kids should also see you as a hypocrite, and smother you in your sleep. So there.
7- “Democrats don’t believe in Jesus.”
This usually comes from people who think that Jesus likes war and wants homosexuals executed. This usually comes from people who think that Jesus will reward you for stockpiling as much cash as you can, and doesn’t like those Mexican kids getting free healthcare at our expense. In other words, people who have created Jesus in their own selfish, intolerant and unsympathetic image.
Fuck those people. I don’t speak for Jesus (boy, it would be refreshing to hear one of those jerks say that!) but if anything in that book about him is true, he’ll flush these people down like yesterday’s Raisin Bran. When I went to church, Jesus was about loving and helping people, not about hating foreigners and keeping taxes low.
8- “You’re giving aid and comfort to the enemy!”
No, blankets and muffins are aid and comfort. Debate and dissention is as American as hot dogs and apple pie.
Have you come up with any new ones?
(BTW, folks, if you haven’t voted for the American Asshole: April, scroll down and do so. For every person who doesn’t vote, Bill O’Reilly get another year on his contract!)
May 3, 2007
Categories: Dipshittery in general . . Author: Professor Longhair . Comments: 20 Comments
Under the Bridge 
